Widowed at 63

Judy
Posts: 1
Joined: Sat May 22, 2010 4:39 pm

Widowed at 63

Postby Judy » Sat May 22, 2010 5:18 pm

I was widowed just 14 weeks ago. I am 63 and my husband was 68 and died of an agressive cancer which was only diagnosed 3 months before he died. Everyone seems to think I am doing ok as I put on a brave face when I am with my family. I do not have many friends as we only moved to our new home a short while before he became ill. I have a few friends and family who phone, but they just do no understand the pain I feel and talk about themselves rather ask how I am doing. My grown up children have been very supportive and have taken me away with them on holidays. Some days I just want to sit down and cry and I am so sad and hurt that this should happen at a time in our lives when we were looking forward to watching the grandkids grow, and relax in the garden and travel. Now everyday seems a challenge, and I try not to be sad as my husband was so positive and brave and would want me to go on with my life.
Never in my while world did I ever think losing a husband would be such a hard thing to cope with, and as the weeks go by it just gets harder to cope without him.
I cannot even begin to know what it must be like for young widows with small children and reading all the posts has been very inspirational.

lizzieb
Posts: 164
Joined: Sun May 24, 2009 7:49 pm
Location: central west nsw

Postby lizzieb » Sat May 22, 2010 10:55 pm

Hello Judy,

I'm so sorry you have lost your lovely husband, and you do sound quite sad. It's great that you have accessed this site, and I'm glad that you have found it helpful.

Your post prompted me to write about something I realised earlier this week. I attended the funeral of a lovely, dear family friend who died at the age of 76 after having been married for almost 51 years. In the days leading up to the funeral I spent a little time with the family, and tried to offer comfort to his wife, who was so kind to me when my husband died. I realised that no matter what age you are, or how long you have been together, it's shattering and tragic, and so terribly sad. I watched her at the funeral and could feel her sadness and desolation.

So Judy, reading your post makes me also realise that the loss of a loved one means the loss of so many hopes and dreams regardless of our stage of life. I guess the main difference is the types of challenges we face in trying to rebuild our lives.

One of the continuing themes on this site seems to be that friends and relatives misjudge the length of the grieving process, and seem to underestimate the value of a phone call or a drop-in, or a simple 'how are you?'. Hopefully by reading these posts you will not feel so isolated, and be able to take comfort that everyone here can relate to what you are going through.

Wishing you well,

Liz

catarina
Posts: 168
Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 9:29 pm
Location: sydney nsw

Postby catarina » Sat May 22, 2010 11:18 pm

Hi Judy,
Welcome!
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband and sad to hear that it all happened in such a short time. For me , it was a 4 month time period, also an aggresive lymphoma and that in itself is a hefty thing to deal with. I hope you are managing to look after your self as you slowly repair your energy levels.
It is hard to deal with others that don't seem to have much idea about how to deal with us but I am so glad that your grown up kids are being so supportive. It is wonderful if you can get some much needed support from them!

Hang in there, Judy...it is a really difficult time for you. I remember the 14week mark was a very difficult time period. I think it is the time when the reality really starts to kick in and it is alos the time when others start to think you should be ""getting better"". What rubbish!

Just look after yourself as well as you can and know that there are lots of people here who are thinking of you and sending you lots of positive vibes.

Cat


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